Today

Today was exhausting. I question what I should share. Should I sugar coat things and say that my boy is amazing and that he is taking everything in stride? Because he is amazing and he is taking this into his stride. Or do I put down how hard this is, and make it sound miserable? Because it is hard, and at some points it has been very miserable- so miserable that Jackson screams out in pain and we can't do much to help him.

• Jackson's hair is starting to fall out. Only about a dozen strands today, but it is imminent.
• Jackson is NPO- which means he can not eat or drink anything until further notice. He is receiving all of his nutrition now through his IV- the Dr's call it TPN- we call it steak and potatoes, or even sushi. No matter what you call it, it comes in two bags, one is a yellow liquid like Gatorade, and the other is white and light sensitive and comes in a brown bag.
• Jackson had a tube put down his nose into his stomach today to help suck out some of the nasty stuff that is making him vomit. The tube will be in for a while, and it's unpleasant, but it is helping.
• Jackson spiked two different fevers today, and has been on 3 different antibiotics, which we hope will help fight the infections.
• Jackson has a morphine pump that keeps him comfortable, but somehow the pain still manages to find it's way into my boy.
• Jackson has Pancreatitis which was caused by the Chemo. Pancreatitis is extremely painful.

No matter what I say, or how I put it, I question the approach that I took.

Just know that this is the hardest thing we have ever gone through and that is changing who we are.