One night

One night, that is all we have to spend here in the PICU. One night sounds short but it feels like an eternity for us.

We were lucky and were given a sleep room. We are taking turns sleeping. It was my turn first and I was away from Jackson from about 10 o'clock until almost 2 o'clock this morning. I tried to sleep but rest and sleep seem to be difficult.

Now I am back at Jacksons bedside listening to him snore. His little snores are music to my ears.

It sounds like while I was away things were a little crazy. Jackson's pain is pretty intense and he needs morphine every 2 hours on the dot. He was complaining of a stomach ache and then he threw up lots of blood. Now after he threw up he has been able to drink more water. Brian said he thinks the blood in his stomach was making him upset. After he threw up he had lots of bleeding from his right nostril but it seems to have slowed down now.

Brian is such a wonderful father and husband. I had to pretty much shove Brian out of the room and force him to go rest. He is so concerned about both of our kids He is such a strength to me and I feel so lucky to be able to rely on him for any and everything.

I feel so much guilt about not being here when my little guy was sick. I know it isn't possible to be with him all of the time, but I feel like I should have been here.

We are on our third nurse for tonight. And I just talked with her. She said right now our goal is for Jackson to pee. He hasn't peed since this afternoon and they want to make sure his kidneys are working.

One night is all we have to spend here, but it seems surreal to walk through the halls and see the many other children that will be here longer. This is a place I hope to never see or visit again.