At the bottom

Jacksons counts hit zero yesterday (his ANC). This is expected but we don't like it. Zero means his little body has no ability to fight infection. That means we want to limit visitors now to help protect Jackson as much as possible.

Yesterday his counts hit zero and he has already spiked a fever and is already on antibiotics.

He is starting to have stomach pain and mouth sores again and has pretty much refused to eat anything the last 3 or 4 days. Because he isn't eating they put him on the TPN (all his nutrition goes in through his central line now). When he does eat he has been throwing it up and feels very nauseous.

We are still on the regular chemo service and hope to stay there. When kids start having complications they upgrade them to the "Layhe" service- which means that the doctors check on him several times a day.


Today is day number 12. We are right in the middle of round 2. This is where it gets tough for me. I start missing 'normal' about now. I start worrying more about Jackson getting infections and having complications. Jackson starts feeling worse and because of that he starts getting demanding and irritable.


The feeling of missing 'normal' has been increased the last couple of days. I was supposed to finish registering Jackson for kindergarten but he won't be going to kindergarten. I never thought I would be the mom that cries on the first day of kindergarten. I have been excited for him to have that experience and to make new friends. But now I am pretty sure I will be crying on the first day of school- but only because my boy doesn't have that opportunity yet. Stupid cancer.