1 Year 8 Months

One year and 8 months off of treatment and still cancer free.  Nothing short of miraculous.

Lots of hugs from Doctors, nurses and friends who battled along side us.

A perfect way to wrap up National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month.

No News is Good News

Jackson is officially more than 1 year off of treatment.  One year is a huge accomplishment!  And still CANCER FREE!

I know many of you followed this blog so closely for a long time.  And for a long time I was pretty regular updating it, and keeping you all informed more or less of the things we had going on in our lives.

Like this blog post is titled, "No news is good news".  It's true.  No news on this blog means that everything is going great.  

Since August, Jackson has had 2 additional clinic visits, and additional MRI scans.  The doctors said that he still shows No Evidence of Disease (NED).  What a wonderful relief for all of us.



I'd like to give you a little update on Jackson, just so you can see that there is life after cancer.

Jackson is happy, and healthy.  His blood levels are almost back to normal after one year off of treatment.  His platelet levels are still low hovering around 100.  His liver is finally reporting healthy numbers- they think it was damaged during chemo, but finally the numbers are all in normal ranges.  Jackson has grown quite a bit taller (which is a nice surprise- although he's still pretty small).  Many of you know that one of the first signs that we noticed of Jacksons' cancer was that his left eye was turning in towards his nose- due to the tumor pressing on his optic nerve.  After his treatment was over, the doctors wanted to wait to see if his eye would go back to normal on it's own.  After several months they determined that it was not going to rectify its self, so the doctors went in and did eye muscle surgery.  The results are amazing, and we are so incredibly happy.  I took pictures of his eye before and after the surgery- I thought it was a strange thing to document at the time, but now I'm glad I did it.  Jackson is now 4 months out from eye surgery and looking at him, you would never know he had any issues.

One other health issue that we've had to face after cancer is that Jackson has had several ear infections, and a constant runny nose.  Because of these issues, we were able to visit an ENT doctor.  The doctor told us that the lining in Jackson's ears has been permanently damaged from the Radiation Therapy that he underwent to beat his cancer.  Because of the damage done, the fluid in his ears is no longer able to drain properly.  To fix that problem, the doctor put tubes in his ears.  Since that day, Jackson's hearing has improved tremendously, and we haven't had to deal with any ear infections.

During the surgery when Jackson got his tubes placed, the doctor decided to scope Jackson's nose to see if he could find a reason for the constant runny nose.  Seriously- constant snot- not real flattering.  The doctor told us that Jacksons Adenoid is fine, but that he is incredibly inflamed due to radiation therapy, and also that there is quite a bit of damage in Jackson's sinuses caused by his brain surgery, along with damage from radiation.  It turns out there is nothing they can do to help fix Jackson's runny nose until he's older (like age 16) because there isn't enough room in his tiny head to fix the scar tissue. I guess when he's older, his head will be big enough for them to get in and hopefully help the issue.  Until that point we'll stock up on Kleenex- and Jackson will have to deal with an overwhelming amount of snot.  A never ending runny nose.  So, if you see him- no, he's not sick- he's healthy, but his sinuses are messed up.  I always feel guilty taking him to clinic an not having a mask on him.  I am sure the other Cancer Moms freak out when they see that snot flowing freely- and assume he's sick.  I promise, I'd never take him around another Cancer Fighter if he was sick... the runny nose is just another battle wound.

Other than the runny nose, eye surgery, follow up MRI's and clinic visits- Jackson is a normal, healthy, happy, amazing 7 year old.  Doing normal kid activities.  Homework, reading, swimming, go karting, karate lessons, coloring on the sidewalk, riding bikes, sledding in the snow, climbing rocks, jumping on the trampoline, all normal kid activities.  All things we are so grateful that he gets a chance to do-  still amazing us everyday.

7 Months After Chemo

7 months after Jackson's last Bone Marrow Transplant, and I am ecstatic to share our good news.  Jackson has officially been declared:

In Remission!!

I almost fell off my chair when the doctor actually said the word "remission" to us.  I didn't think we'd hear that word until Way WAY down the road.

Here we are, living our life like normal.

Normal.

I never thought we'd find it this way again.

Jackson started 1st grade this week.  Like a normal kid.  Happy.  Excited.  Nervous.  Normal.

He can run, jump and keep up with the other kids... he's just a little shorter.

Normal.

I never thought I'd want to be normal so badly.


But maybe normal isn't the right word.  Maybe I should use the word 'Extraordinary'.

Yes, that's it.

We are living an extraordinary life.

My son is extraordinary.

My son is an AT/RT Survivor.

Shhh.

I'm afraid to say it out loud, and yet at the same time, I want to shout it from the mountain tops.  Jackson's scans showed "NAD" or No Active Disease!!

I guess he's in remission.

We are finally where we've been trying to get for a year.

But I'm afraid to say it out loud... because what if that jinxes us?

Jackson's counts are finally coming back up.  He goes out in public with out a mask on now.  The only thing we have been waiting for is for Jackson's body to grow platelets so that we can get his central line out.  But- things there are looking up too... Jackson is scheduled for surgery this week (contingent upon his counts).

We feel so lucky.  So blessed.  So grateful.

But I'm still afraid to say it out loud.  In fact, I can't say it out loud with out getting teary eyed... my gratitude and joy just overwhelms me.

So, for those of you who have been waiting for an update... please feel free to celebrate with us!  But do it quietly, because I'm afraid if we all cheer too loudly that it'll jinx us- and we don't want to have to fight for Jacksons life again.

Returning Back to Normal

Over the last year I've longed for our old 'normal', for a while we were uprooted and thrown into the cancer world. We spent days and days at the hospital. We spent hours in doctors offices, and we spent several nights inpatient. We ate more cafeteria food than anything home made, and we struggled to keep our family together. We spent 93 days inpatient in the ICS unit in 2011... 93 days is an awfully long time. We struggled during each and every one of those 93 days and we often struggled in the other 272 days that we were lucky enough to be home. But now, we are finding our place again.

Returning back to normal has been so natural in some aspects, and in other aspects it has been such a struggle. Jackson is doing incredibly well. He is getting stronger each day, and he is so happy to be 'done'. We still have visits to the hospital, but only twice a month at this point. We don't know if the chemo worked, but we are hopeful, and prayerful, and optimistic.

Jackson's body has been through a lot, and although his hair has finally grown back, his body is still recovering from the extremely harsh bone marrow transplants that it received. Jackson's platelets are still extremely low at around 20...normal levels are between 150 and 450, but they have decided to not transfuse him until he either has extreme nose bleeds that will not stop, or until he gets to 10 or below. So far his body is making a few platelets here and there, but he is not recovering they way they expected him to recover.

After a bone marrow transplant, the doctors have certain guidelines and rules that each patient must follow closely for the first +100 days. Today Jackson is on day +86... we are so close to that day +100. Around day +100, they will allow Jackson to return to a normal diet again... which he can't wait! Of all the things he is DYING to eat, he is the most excited for....get this... Cafe Rio. Yep, I guess he is my son after all... even though he looks more and more like his Daddy every day.

Day +100 is a big deal. I am so excited for April 22nd!

As far as returning to 'normal', to be honest, it has been wonderful. I love that my boy is out riding his bike again. I love that he is playing and running and laughing. I love that he is alive... what a blessing in that alone.

I have recently been in touch with a new family from Texas that has a little boy that was recently diagnosed with ATRT. My heart goes out to them and their little guy. Reading emails back and forth from them has been difficult for me, because I remember all too clearly the emotions that I felt at Jackson's diagnosis. If you have time, you can check out their blog, and I'm sure they would appreciate any prayers you could send their way.

Make-A-Wish.... Granted!

After 5 long months of waiting, Jackson got his wish granted from Make-A-Wish. He got his go kart! He was finally healthy enough and out of the hospital, so he was able to have his big Wish Granting Party.
This windy day brought more joy to Jackson than he has experienced in several long months (perhaps even the last year). Jackson counted down for weeks and weeks until the big day came. Each day as we would get closer to the big day he would cross a day off of the calendar, and we'd talk about his go kart.


I don't mean to brag, but seriously, I think this kid's got some driving talent!

I do feel a bit of anxiety watching my little guy out there on the race track but I figure if he can battle cancer like a champ, he deserves to have a little fun too... right?

Ring that Bell!

I finally uploaded the pictures from Jackson's big bell ringing day. It has been over a month, and watching the pictures rotate through as they uploaded to the computer, I found myself getting teary eyed. I worried that I had waited to long to blog about it. I worried that the emotions that I felt that day would have disappeared, or diminished, but they haven't. I still felt a wave of emotions flow over me as I experienced that day again through pictures.

We knew this day was coming. In fact, the first time I ever walked into the ICS unit, I saw the bell hanging on the wall, and it brought tears to my eyes then. It was a sad bell, and when I saw it, the thought of childhood cancer was still just a thought- not yet a reality. I saw a small bald boy playing in the area, and I cried for him, and his family. We had no idea what lay ahead of us. That first time I saw the bell was way back in June 2011.

As Jackson progressed along in his treatment, the bell stood in the ICS unit. We would walk past it several times a day, not really noticing it anymore. Often times we would hear people cheering while we sat in our room, and I would go out to investigate. Every single time I watched another child ring that bell, tears came to my eyes. Every. Single. Time.

I would see others ring the bell, and I would think about how lucky they were to be done with treatment. I would think about how relieved they must feel, and how happy they must be. I read another Cancer Mom's comment on Facebook that said that she was so excited to ring the bell- because that meant that her son could stop getting the nasty chemo that was making him so sick. She talked about how her son would get a tiny bit better between rounds of chemo, but then they would go back in the hospital again, and he would just get kicked in the butt again. She said that this time she was glad that he could get better, and not have to get sick again. I would read her comments, and feel so excited for when Jackson got to ring that bell, and be done with cancer!

I had no idea that I wouldn't feel the sense of relief that I expected to feel when he rang that bell. I thought we'd be "done" with cancer. I thought that all of our worries would be gone, and that life would magically go back to the 'normal' that it once was. Boy oh boy was I wrong!

When Jackson rang that bell, I had such different emotions than I thought I would. I felt relief- yes, but more than relief, I felt panic. Here they were, these doctors, who study and study different illnesses. These doctors have told us for the last 7 months how hard Jackson's type of tumor is to beat. I clearly remember the day that Dr. Afifiy told us that we do everything in our power to beat the cancer, but then we have to turn the rest over to a Higher Power. Finishing Jackson's treatments made me panic because now we've done all we can do to beat the cancer, and we're putting our faith in a Higher Power. What if it didn't work? What if we're stopping treatment at this point, and it didn't work? We have to wait a little over 3 months until Jackson gets his MRI scans to see how the tumor responded to all of that chemo and radiation, but over that 3+ months, we are doing nothing. What if the tumor grows while we aren't watching it?

I had a rush of emotions that day that Jackson rang the bell, I felt joy and triumph and pride. Incredible pride for our boy. Our boy that conquered some of the worst drugs on this planet. Our boy who faced incredible trials with strength and optimism. Our boy who is by far, stronger than either of his parents. Our boy who still amazes me with his strength.

I cried silent tears as he rang that bell. He was so excited to ring that bell, and had been looking forward to it all week- I am sure he was looking forward to it a lot longer than that week. Earlier that day, Jackson told me that he couldn't wait to ring the bell. I told him not to be shy when he rang the bell, and he assured me that he was really going to ring it good. He said "I'm gonna ring it good, because I only get to ring that bell once!"

And he did. He rang that bell good and long, and loud!

Jackson had lots of support that day. We had lots of family join us that day, they were all there to share tears together, and rejoice in Jackson's accomplishment. Not only was Jackson surrounded by family, but he was surrounded by lots of our favorite nurses, techs and even other chemo patients. I have never heard a group cheer so loud for another Chemo Bell Ringer- and I'm not just saying that. Jackson won the hearts of everyone in that ICS unit.

I made Jackson wear his Beads of Courage as he rang the bell. He wasn't so sure at first if he want to wear them, but he agreed, and I'm so glad he did. He earned every single one of those beads by enduring something awful, painful, or difficult. I am amazed at how many he has- over 7 strands of beads.

When he was done ringing the bell, he was anxious to get the beads off and then it was time for hugs. Lucky me, I got the first one!

Even with all of the emotions of an uncertain future, Wednesday, January 25, 2012 was one of the best days of Jackson's cancer treatments.

It was a day our family has look forward to for a long time, and we made it! Jackson made it!

The plaque on the bell reads:

RING THIS BELL

THREE TIMES REAL WELL

IT'S TOLL TO CLEARLY SAY

MY TREATMENTS DONE

THIS COURSE IS RUN

NOW I AM ON MY WAY